There’s this school down in South Texas where there are very few white kids, mostly all Mexican. The teacher was asking for the kids to identify famous quotes.
She asked, “Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country’?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, but she calls on Maria, who answers, “John F Kennedy.”
Then, she asks “Who said, ‘I have a dream…’?”
Little Johnny raises his hands, both of them, and waves them around, but she calls on Juan, who says, “Martin Luther King.”
This continues with quotes from Winston Churchill and other notable historians. Finally, the bell rings, and in the confusion and noise of the kids leaving the classroom, a voice from the back of the room yells, “To hell with all those Mexicans.”
The teacher hollers out, “Who said that!”
Little Johnny puts up his hand and replies, “Davy Crockett, at the Alamo.”
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Ms. Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils. “Johnny,what is your problem?” Johnny answered, “I’m too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
Ms. Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal’s office. The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic. “What is three times three?” “Nine, Sir.” “How much is nine times six?” “Fifty-four.” And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade student should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and said, “I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough.”
Ms. Brooks said to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?” The principal and Johnny both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asked, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Johnny, after a moment, answered “Legs, Ma’am”
“What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” “Pockets!”
“OK,what does a dog do that a man steps into?” “Pants.”
“What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?” “Coconut.”
“What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge. “Bubblegum!”
“What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?” “Shake hands, Ma’am.”
“Now for some ‘Who am I’ sort of questions, OK? First one: You stick your pole inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do.” Johnny, quick as ever, answered, “Tent!”
“OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.” The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with “Wedding Ring!”
“I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.” “Nose.”
“Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver.” “Arrow.”
“Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an ‘F’, ends in K’, and means a lot of heat and excitement?” “Firetruck,Ma’am!”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send him to university, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”
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On day Little Johnny said to his mother “Mom, remember that vase you always worried I’d break?”
“Yes. What about it?” she asked.
Little Johnny replied “Your worries are over!”
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
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Johnny has just received his driver’s license. His family goes out to the driveway and climbs into the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the backseat, directly behind the new driver.
“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father.
“Nope,” replies his father, “I’m going to sit here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years!”
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