There’s this school down in South Texas where there are very few white kids, mostly all Mexican. The teacher was asking for the kids to identify famous quotes.
She asked, “Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country’?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, but she calls on Maria, who answers, “John F Kennedy.”
Then, she asks “Who said, ‘I have a dream…’?”
Little Johnny raises his hands, both of them, and waves them around, but she calls on Juan, who says, “Martin Luther King.”
This continues with quotes from Winston Churchill and other notable historians. Finally, the bell rings, and in the confusion and noise of the kids leaving the classroom, a voice from the back of the room yells, “To hell with all those Mexicans.”
The teacher hollers out, “Who said that!”
Little Johnny puts up his hand and replies, “Davy Crockett, at the Alamo.”
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A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, All lawyers are assholes! He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge.
Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, Take that back.
The biker says, Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, I m an asshole.
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde.
The brunette says in a disgusted voice, “Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I’ll go get some toilet paper.”
After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh.
The redhead says, “What’s so funny?”
The blonde says, “Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!”
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Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, “Darling, I`ve got a big surprise for you,” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. “Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise,” said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump.
“Hmmmmm,” she said softly, “that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!”
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A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is
bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
“Pardon me, sir,” she says to the store manager, “but can you explain the
differences in all these toilet papers?”
“Well,” he replies pointing out one brand, “this is as soft as a
baby’skiss.
It’s $1.50 per roll.” He grabs another and says, “This is nice and soft,
strong but gentle, and it’s $1.00 a roll.” Pointing to the bottom shelf he
tells her, “We call that our No Name brand, and it’s 20cents per roll.”
“Give me the No Name,” she says.
She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, “Hey!
I’ve got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne.”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because it’s rough, it’s tough and it don’t take crap off anybody!”
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